Thursday January 19th 2006

Bleh.. I am so bored that I can't even think of a proper name for this particular post..

Hmmz.. What should I write today... Should I write about how I should be studying for my Ammo Identification test instead? Nah, that will only make things worse... So many bloody ammunition to remember sia... Why on earth are there so many kinds of ammunitions when they all serve the same purpose.. Which is to eliminate anyone who stands in your way...

* Warning : Some random thoughts ahead... Do not expect me to make any sense *

Today is the 19th.. Which means that I should be outside celebrating my dear's birthday right now... Too bad that "both" of us are "busy are the moment", therefore we have pushed back all activities till this Sunday..

Things that I wanna accomplish before I die
: Paint my room
: Cut down on Carbs
: Revamp my blog before its 1st birthday
: Update my Friendster account which I have neglected for a while
: Buy more clothes
: Revise for my test tml

Sigh... I have to take more pictures of my life sia.. Or not there won't be a reference to my life when I finally grow old and turn senile... I wonder how does it feel to be old and senile.. Maybe I have to go ask my OIC one of these days for his experience... Heehee...

The rain just stopped.. The atmosphere is cool and a breeze is blowing into the room.. Feel like sleeping.. Instead.. Of.. Studying...

ZZZZzzzzzzzz (--.)

Just finished watching "The Notebook"...

... And boy is Rachel Mcadams HOT! She seems to be a star on the rise currently, appearing in so many movies like Mean Girls and the latest Red Eye. The movie was pretty mediocre though, seen too many love themed movies like this one before.

My favourite romantic movie of all time seems to be Before Sunrise and Before Sunset.. IF you can call it a romantic movie at all.. Its about these two star-crossed lovers who chanced upon each other, but were forced to part for a decade. After which they met again in the exact same place where they got to know each other, but they already have their own commitments by then. In the end, it is quite vague as to whether they do get together, or go their seperate ways.. Its very profound and deep in a way, as you can clearly sense their longing for each other even though it is not portrayed very directly.. Marvellous movie, you guys should go catch it.

Anyway, back to my own story... I guess things will be going back to normal for me, we have sorted things out, and being the soft-hearted guy that I am, I decided to just 'close one eye' after all... Am I being gullible? Maybe I am, but I know where my heart still lies, and I do not want to give up just yet. 2 years isnt for nothing, and I would hate to lose everything just because of some stupid guy with his stupid email...

But when I ask myself if I was hurt, I would say yes. How very contradictary, don't you think? But isnt life like that? =)

I feel feverish and clammy all over... Yikes

There, I have done it. I have confronted my fears in search of answers. Answers aren't very clear and truthful, but very persistent nonetheless... Defendent claimed to have done nothing wrong, and that its all a misunderstanding.. But jury thinks other wise and have called for a time-out.. At least till the next phonecall that is...

Feeling horrible now... My mind is telling me that its the right thing, but my heart is telling me otherwise... =(

My mind's a total mess right now...

I just found out about something that i shouldn't have... Its regarding someone close to me... Not too difficult to guess who right... I can't help but feel betrayed right now.. Even though I THINK its nothing, but the feeling is pretty strong and stubborn...

Let me put it this way.. What if you found out several times about your gf contacting her ex who is actually living overseas right now.. Like during Chinese New year sending him cards, or even contacting to find out how hes been lately and stuff.. Nothing too serious right? But what if its all been done right under your nose, without your knowing? And when the conversation comes to include sensitive stuff like... Oh well, lets just leave it to the imagination yah?

I have learnt about their story from her own mouth long ago, about how she dumped him but he still likes her. And about how he migrated overseas just before I gotten to know her... But the thing is, Its already been two years since we are together, why bother to find out about hes been and stuff??

Shes not in Singapore again at this moment, and will only be back from Phuket tml night. Tried calling her for a confrontation but her hp was turned off just now.. I don't know what to think right now sia.. Should I make a huge fuss over it, or should I close both of my eyes and pretend nothing has happened?

Sigh... My mind's a total mess right now.. =<

Sigh..

Hari Raya is ending in a matter of hours, meaning my precious day of slothing is coming to an end too... Feels like I have not wasted enough time yet leh... Gosh, why do I have a feeling that this particular post is not going to be very constructive huh...

Anyway, she will finally be back home soon, received an overseas call from her around 7pm... Hmm, I was reminded of Valentine's Day by a certain TV commercial that showcased the latest romantic songs compilation.. Somehow the only place that I can think of playing these sort of cds is...AHEM! In the bedroom... Haha... Sets the mood for the greater things in life. ('<,)

Gosh, I am going to be SO broke for the next two months.. First of all, our 2nd year anniversary this Friday is approaching, and I still have yet to find a replacement ring for the one I lost. 2ndly, her birthday is conveniently situated next week, but luckily for me, I was paid an "HEFTY" amount by the government today. So I can still at least put aside a "HUGE" lump of money for the special occasion.. And finally, theres VALENTINE's DAY to worry about...

Sigh.. I feel so empty inside again... Just met Fin up for a chat over the weekend, and was reminded of the good times I used to have before i got shaved... Is it really THAT long? It sure as hell feels that way...

Right now, nothing satisfies me anymore.. It's as if I am this gigantic blackhole, who can't get enough of everything. I want to own EVERYTHING, but even then I doubt that it would end my bloodlust... Money's always not enough, but I just always seem to have something that I wanna get... Am I always like this? I feel distanced even from myself sometimes...

My conclusion for today is... This post needs a FOCUS man!

- The End -

PS : Can someone recommend me a good website for implementing music onto my blog? The one I am currently using sucks. Thanx for reading my PS section. Have a nice day!

The sky must be bloated lately...

Wow... It has been raining and raining and raining... Not that I mind, I lurve rainy days actually.. The weather is cool, soothing sounds of water splattering outside your window, hugging someone to keep yourself warm... But she isn't in Singapore right now, and I have noone to spend this romantic season with.. Sigh.. Feeling so lonely and bored at home.. Dragon Quest VIII could only entertain me that much... Blogging here can only occupy me this much... Sigh... Perhaps I will go mop the floor or something... And then go back to my PS2...

Days are sad and moody.. when you are broke and feeling cold.. SIGH.......... Someone entertain me by giving me comments leh.. I can't help but feel empty inside, as if I have lived for nothing yet... The moisture must have gotten into my head somehow... And I have already broken almost all of my Resolutions within the past week...

So much for being "Fat-Free"...

SIGH =(

Another year has passed...

... And yet I still can't watch RA like the rest of the world..

Here are some new year's resolution and wishes that i have in mind :

1) Control my habit of 'spending more than I can chew'
2) Pick up a habit of saving
3) Try not to quarrel as much with my love one
4) Stop procrastinating
5) Stop dozing off during classes
6) Sleep before 12am
7) Quit having night "snacks"
8) Be 100% fat-free
9) Stop abusing the Internet
10) Clean my room more frequently
11) Spend my spare time more constructively
12) Read another Michael Crichton novel
13) Get a dog
14) Pay my bills on time
15) Finish payments for the bills that has acumulated since two mths ago
16) Earn enough money to substain my Wants
17) Earn extra money to fullfill my Needs
18) Learn a helpful skill
19) Do something meaningful
20) Watch the news

Oh my god.. My life is screwed up... Oh well, thats 2006 for me.. Haha..

Here are some of the highlights for 2005:

1) Lost my "engaged" ring and kenna murdered by someone
2) Graduated from NYP
3) Got enlisted into Tekong, shaved, placed under intense physical pressure, POP, joined Ammo School, and then placed under intense mental pressure again.
4) Had my ear pierced
5) Final Fantasy VII : Advent Children
6) Got my first Lava Lamp, something that I have always wanted
7) Nearly got to catch Kylie Minogue live in concert... SO CLOSE!
8) Lastly, created this Blog. =)

HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS!! Best wishes to everyone!!